Talkin’ Texan

Texan – English

Za pot uh - Zapata

Zapata, Texas is probably one of the best-kept secrets for the quality of life and an easy-going style of living in the state. If this book is not a success, it will most probably remain that way. Zapata is located on highway 87 about a hundred miles south of Laredo, or around 150 miles southwest of Corpus Christi, Texas. This quiet little border town has a population of less than 8,000 friendly folks, and some of the most authentic Mexican food in the state.

Nothing against the popular fast-food Mexican restaurants that dominate Texas and the rest of the nation, but have you ever noticed any Mexicans frequenting these establishments? Um, shouldn’t that tell you something? Quoting Professor Bob Domonkos: "That stuff is cholesterol laden gruel", and any relation to that stuff and true Mexican food is pure coincidence. I suppose that someone could call a pile of manure a rose bush, but it would still be a pile of manure to me. Visit some of the Mexican restaurants in Zapata and enjoy some authentic Mexican food. Viva Zapata!

The town of Zapata had about sixteen different names before they finally named the town after Antonio Zapata, in the early 1900’s. Mister Zapata gave his life and his fortune in an unsuccessful attempt for freedom. There is a very fine movie about his life and times that you may be able to find at your favorite video store. It is quite appropriate that such a nice town is named after this great gentleman and patriot.

Spaniards discovered this area of the country in the early 1500’s. They also discovered the Apache Indians and immediately proclaimed this land unfit for habitat. So, naturally everyone wanted to move here, because they thought the Spaniards had discovered gold, or the fountain of youth. The Apache Indians had lived in this part of America for over 11,000 years and upon discovering this, the Spaniards claimed the land for Spain. The Apaches’ called themselves "Inde", which means the people. The Spaniards called themselves "Rulesta Elegante" which means the elegant ruling people. The Spaniards called the Inde people Apache, which means fierce fighters and the Inde called the Spaniards something that I am not allowed to print, which loosely translated means land grabbing bonzos.

The Spaniards had brought horses to the new world and the Apache were able to obtain quite a few by some shrewd horse-trading. The Apache men and women shortly became some of the best horse riders in the world. Naturally the Spaniards wanted these horses back, because they thought that the Apache had traded for trick ponies. This is when the Spanish and Indian war started. The Apache were superior warriors and were experiencing many easy victories. The Spanish decided that since they couldn’t win, they might as well make peace.

Drawing on their past experiences with another Indian tribe in Nacogdoches, Texas the Spaniards offered the Apache reservations for an area up in Oklahoma. The Apache had heard what had happened in Nacogdoches and refused the offer. The Spaniards then tried a new tactic and asked the Indians: " Hey, how about if we build you a really nice Spanish Mission?" This sounded so nice and romantic to the Indians, they accepted. After moving into the newly completed Spanish Missions the Indians quickly became very disgruntled. They were very gruntled in their old habitat and left the new mission. The Indians complained that while the Spanish Missions looked pretty good, there was no green grass, flowing rivers, game, or even a decent fishing hole around the mission. Other than being named the Inde Spanish Mission, there was nothing around, but peyote cactus, rattlesnakes, and scorpions. The Indians became very wary of Spaniards bearing gifts. The Spaniards decided to go farther out west in the new world in search of a more gullible tribe, and eventually ended up in California.

Later, an Indian tribe of buffalo hunters started moving into parts of Texas, primarily because these same Spaniards told them about lots of gold and the fountain of youth being in this part of America. It seems that no mater what the nationality, folks always want lots of money and eternal youth. Anyway, this new group of Indians also called themselves "the people". Well apparently Texas wasn’t big enough for the both of them to be called "the people", so this was the start of The Indian Wars. The Apache called this new group of Indians the Comanche, which means " those who always want to fight".

It was most difficult in those days for any Comanche men or women to get a blind date with another member of a different Indian tribe. The Comanche really did fight like cats and dogs. Even today it is very difficult to get a positive to the question: "Hey, do I have a great Comanche for you?"

The Comanche’s favorite sport was something they called Indian Wrestling and the sport is still carried on today. Nowadays it’s promoted by the WBA and just called wrestling. There are no longer any Comanche’s involved in wrestling and there is a lot more of just talking trash, than the Indians would have allowed.

These Indian Wars lasted quite a long time and the Apache would eventually lose these wars. The Apache were primarily farmers and were well known for their ability to grow very large crops. They raised maize, squash, pumpkins and watermelons. They were famous for their delicious graham cracker crust, pumpkin pies, with a creamy whipped cream topping. I don’t know how they made the graham crackers; they probably got them from the Spaniards or something. They would get the cream from buffalo milk. The Apache men were responsible for milking the buffalo, which was a very difficult and dangerous task. This is one of the reasons that most of the men were called braves. The Apache women did most of the cooking and therefore most of the whipping, although I’ve heard that there are a few Indian Chefs around nowadays. I’ve tried a few of these Indian Restaurants and the food is not at all like I’ve imagined. I knew that Indians liked salsa and spicy foods, but I didn’t realize that they used so much curry. I’m kinda glad that I wasn’t born Indian and have a German heritage, because I really do love bratwurst.

What the Comanche really wanted from the Apache was their famous recipe for pumpkin pie and great cookies. The Apache were fairly easy to raid, because they pretty much had to stay on the farm during harvest season. The Apache had never seen Broadway, because it was way back east, so it was pretty easy to keep them here. Whereas, the Comanche were buffalo hunters, and followed the migrating buffalo herds where ever they went.

The Comanche would send several members of their tribe to spy on the Apache to see if they could find out how to obtain this recipe. Later on in history these spy’s would be called Indian Scouts, because the Comanche didn’t like the term spy. The Comanche eventually defeated the Apache, and the Apache ended up with reservations in parts of Oklahoma. Rumor has it that the Apache discovered oil on this land and became very rich.

The Comanche really didn’t care too much about the Apaches successful oil discoveries, because they weren’t much into being covered in oily grime. They preferred pumpkin pie and cookie crumbs. The Comanche were thrilled that the spoils of war had brought them the Apache recipes for Pumpkin pie and the most fabulous cookies.

Several future events in history would bring the Comanche vast sums of wealth. They sold their pumpkin pie recipe with royalties to the famous Nieman-Marcus store located in Dallas, Texas. The next time you happen to be in their cafe enjoying some of this delicious pumpkin pie, go ahead and ask them about this recipe.

The other thing that really helped the Comanche was joining the Calvary, and becoming Indian Scouts. These scouts became very famous for their tracking ability, and being able to sniff out the locations of pumpkin pie and cookies. Usually the movies will never show this uncanny ability these scouts possessed, but the movies have always been a bit lax in portraying recent history.

In the early 1900’s a lady formed an organization called the Girl Scouts and she was looking for a way of funding their future growth. She was very fortunate indeed that the Comanche decided to bake these delicious cookies for her endeavors. Today these cookies have become world famous and are enjoyed by millions of folks everywhere. After purchasing some of these cookies, if you were to ask a Girl Scout, or her mom if the Comanche baked them, they will deny it. It’s probably best not to ask; after all, it IS a Secret Recipe.

Zapata

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Texas Ghost Stories- Haunted Encounters by Atriad Press

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